just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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