strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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