Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
