If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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