my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
