I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
