mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
