I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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