I think i peed on brittanys purse
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
