hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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