Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
