My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
