we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
