i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
