my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
