She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He shit in the fireplace
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
