got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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