sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize