I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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