I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
