I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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