The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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