I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
