you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
