I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
