I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
