we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
