actually, I'm a sock model
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
