How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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