I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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