Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
