I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
