she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
