i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
