Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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