haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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