She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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