Already got asked if we're dating
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
