whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
