He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
