We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
