Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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