party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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