my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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