shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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