ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
