I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
