I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
