i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
