Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
