Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
